Madere Archive

Your late 20s are weird. Almost feels like your inner child is punching a speed-bag, yet the speed-bag is your frontal lobe. Frontal lobe tells me it’s time to get married, reproduce, and provide. Inner child tells me it’s time to chase myself, learn drums, dance, and chase life alone.

I can already tell you my inner child is objectively right. Mindfulness and mediation have brought me to a point that I know I’m happy alone. Rejection is easy now, in the past a girl rejecting me felt like the end of the world. Now, I just feel relieved. Relieved I don’t have to allocate my time to someone else, relieved I still only have me to worry about, relieved I don’t have to give my heart away just yet. Just overall relieved that the peace and solitude I’ve built myself remain standing after a flirtation assault on my flank.

This comes after years of being a girlfriend guy, years of trying to make emotionally immature women happy when I was emotionally immature myself. After my last heartbreak, a realization set in: I don’t need to give someone love, I need to give myself the same love I’ve been giving others. Radical optimism changed my life, and my game.

I try not to chase women, I don’t see any point chasing a woman that has no interest in me. I notice a woman’s beauty, notice their personality, yet I don’t have that switch in my head anymore that initiates a chase. That switch only flips when I start to notice energy changing. I just try to be positive and myself, and if a girl is into me, I’m confident I’ll catch on.

I don’t really know why I’m expressing this. I think I’m in valley where I truly believe myself to be a catch, yet I feel like no one catches on. I used to be obsessed with the idea of getting married, having kids. Now I’m really liking the idea of being single in my 40s and traveling the world.

Do I still have this intrinsic want for connection and love? Duh. However I’m really grateful I’m at a place mentally that it’s not something I need. I don’t need someone to emotionally regulate me, I don’t need someone to make me happy.

This mindset truly opens the world for you, realizing that your potential is limitless and the world is your playground. Chase self validation, chase mindfulness, and for god sakes meditate!!

I lay here at work, feeling twinges of anxiety and excitement. I feel energy changing around me, and I truly am so eager to stay present and see what this happening has in store for me.

I’m out, Be like water -moto